Bryan Cal Real Life Bryan is the artist of FJ. So if you don't like the way things in the comic look, this is where you should direct your stupid, worthless opinions. On the other hand, if you love the art and want to have hot, passionate sex with the guy who makes it, the same address would be appropriate for confessing your burning desires (attractive female humans only, please). Bryan is an anime nut, his favorites being Tenchi Muyo!, Serial Experiments Lain, and FLCL (aka Furikuri). He also enjoys quite a few flavors of video gaming - most notably console RPGs and PC FPSs. His favorite game ever is Final Fantasy IV, for Super Nintendo. In the Comic Bryan in the comic is almost identical to the Bryan in real life, except that he's a bit older, and has watched more anime. But rest assured that the real Bryan is working hard to catch up. [Editor's Note: I've decided to remove the jokes about those adolescent twins, you know the ones - former Full House babies - because it was degrading (not to mention disgusting) that people were hitting our site from searches for "Ols*n twins pr0n." Appologies to the letter 'e,' but any use of the name will attract pervets.] Real Life Cal writes the final verisons of our scripts, and usually all previous versions as well (with the exception being character-specific side stories). Bad grammar, typos, crappy dialogue, and bad jokes in general can all be attributed to him, and you can complain here. Although, to be fair, Bryan adds the words as he puts the comic together, so it's entirely possible that typos are his fault, too. Cal, like Bryan, enjoys anime a bit more than is probably healthy (Surgeon General's Warning: Enjoying any amount of anime is unhealthy). He's also big into comic books and has an accumulation of Star Wars trivia to rival Ted's. Furthermore, Cal is the most physically active of the group - he plays football, wrestles, lifts weights...and breaks himself doing all three. The world was stunned earlier this year when, for the first time ever, Cal got through an entire football season injury-free. Strangely, this tendency towards greivous bodily harm doesn't deter him from these sports in the least... In the Comic To the stranger who just met him, Cal comes off as brash, even cocky - your stereotypical jock with nothing more than women and physical brutality on his mind. In reality though, Cal - being the youngest and most inexperienced of the FlopJocks - suffers from self-doubt and is constantly looking for ways to measure his worth in life. For this reason, he plays in so many high-risk sports, as they are a way to prove himself to others. With Magic, Cal hopes to find something that he can excel at without having to run up his tab at the orthopedist. Establishing himself as a great limited player and drafter, he hopes to help his comrades of Team Sneaky Homunculus gain Pro-tour status. However, no one knows what might happen if Cal were to fail at this... Mingy Ted Real Life Our third member's given name is Andrew, but we like to call him Mingy. This may (although it also may not) have something to do with his last name, Dominguez. He's our culinary expert - wait, let me capitalize that: Culinary Expert. He may not do much, but at least he has a capitalized title! Mingy, as his title implies, likes to cook. I have no idea how this is supposed to connect to FlopJocks, so I'm gonna stop trying. What does connect to FlopJocks is that Mingy is our Official Magic-Related Content Translator. This means that when there are elements in the comic that people who aren't familiar with Magic: The Gathering (we like to call you 'gentiles,' or, alternatively, 'morons'), Mingy's the one to explain it. And if you don't understand his explanation on the site, or there's something that wasn't explained that you don't get, you can pester him until he tells you. By having our comic intelligible to everybody, and not just to those who understand Magic, we hope to reach more than just a niche market of Magic players. I mean, have you actually seen any of those people? Scary... In the Comic Mingy can only be characterized as a walking contradiction. He's not really into anime like the other FlopJocks, but prefers the more traditional American animation like The Simpsons. While he has another respectable hobby in cooking, he is also into really loud and angry rock music, and "evil" stuff like vampires, and uses this love of "evil" stuff to fuel his hunger for being bad, because he's really a nice guy with a strong conscience that often times gets in his way and causes him to over-analyze everything. Mingy is also highly pessimistic and believes that everything is against him, and that the world is inevitably on its way to destroying itself. While he has a relatively low to normal self-esteem, he can be a completely arrogant jerk at times. Mingy's most current crazy goal is to fence off a small piece of land and claim it as an independent nation. Essentially, Mingy's in-comic persona is just a more extreme version of his real self, a perpetual basket case. Real Life Ted is by far the funniest, most intelligent, best looking, and most popular (not to mention oh so humble) of all of the FJ staff. He created and maintains this very website, and if you couldn't tell already, he likes to use that power for his own self-agrandizement. Do you have a problem with that? Ted likes anime as much as the next guy, and in fact somewhat more than most next guys. This is not to say, however, that his fanboyishness (take that Meriam Webster!) even begins to approach the gargantuan proportions of Bryan or Cal. As he's made clear from the get-go, Ted no longer plays Magic, but he does have a healthy appreciation for the game. As was aluded in Cal's column, he has had an illicit love affair with everything Star Wars (except for Jar Jar) since before the dawn of time. Like Bryan, he plays far too many RPGs, of which his favorite is Final Fantasy IV. Although VII is a damn sight better than he originally thought. In the Comic Ted has yet to make his real first appearance in the FJ comics, although Bryan did recently place him in our first filler comic...in other words, Ted was dissed, and hard. But he's not bitter. The official line on Ted's involvement in the plot is that "there are no details available at this time." That's part of my campaign to stir up so much rumor and mystery surrounding my upcoming role that I immediately become the most popular character in the strip! Which won't be hard, because it seems like my Mom is our #1 fan. Anya Hobbes Real Life No matter how hard we wish Anya was based on a real woman, sadly that isn't the case. She's basically an amalgamation of a bunch of anime women's personalities mixed with our own fantasies...wait, that sounds bad. But once you remove your mind from the gutter, I think you'll know what I mean. In the Comic An extremely motivated and strong-willed woman, Anya Kurosawa has become the bane of the FlopJocks. She owns a smallish bar in the Chelsea district of Manhattan, where Bryan hit on her while getting piss-drunk after the FJs lost at the regional Magic tournament; in retribution, Anya set him up to have his face rearranged by a friend of hers. Coincidentally, Anya had been a level three judge at the very same tournament, where she maimed Cal for asking stupid questions (although she failed to recognize him in the bar). We're pretty sure Anya has a less violent, lovable side...but the FJs sure haven't seen it yet. An anime fan in her own right (she's Japanese if you couldn't tell by the name), and strong enough to make even Cal afraid of angering her, Anya is one person the FJ's don't want to piss off anymore. She has yet to actually meet either Ted or Mingy...and who knows what she might do to them. Real Life Strangely enough, the character of Hobbes is actually based in truth. Hobbes the ferret is Mingy's - well, rather Mike's (Mingy's younger brother) pet ferret. Although not yet officially proven, Hobbes seems to be the cutest and best looking ferret that anyone has ever seen, as you will see in the real life photos that are coming soon. He is truly a perfect specimen. Despite being a ferret, Hobbes actually has a personality all his own. His demeanor is what we FlopJocks would collectively call a "li'l bastard." For those of you familiar with this phrase, you know that it is not derogatory, but rather expresses a playful and, most importantly, mischievious nature. Another famous personality of this kind would be Bart Simpson. He doesn't mean to be bad, he's just spirited. Hobbes is often times hyperactive and incredibly playful. Sometimes he bites, but it's not out of malice, but rather he is attempting to play in one of the many ways that ferrets know how. Hobbes has a secret love for vanilla ice cream and Honey-Nut Cheerios, which are his two favorite snacks. He fears nothing but taking a bath, his ferret hairbrush, and car rides. Hobbes has also proven to be incredibly intelligent, to the point that he knows when he has done something bad, such as knocked something over or gotten into something that he should not be in. When he knows he has gotten your attention due to his antics, he will pause and stare at you as if to acknowledge that he knows that you know he did something wrong. Once you make that initial move to pick him up and incarcerate him in his cage before he breaks something, he makes a break for the nearest thing that he can hide under, and begins his game of 'run away from the stupid human'. When he is not causing trouble, Hobbes usually sleeps. On average, he probably sleeps about 17 hours a day. The best way to describe Hobbes is that he's the perfect example of a free spirit, despite (or maybe because of) being a small, furry animal. In the Comic Though based on the real-life Hobbes, the comic version of our favorite pet has a much more mysterious existence. Though he lives in a cage in the FJs' appartment, on several occasions Hobbes has revealed attributes that no house ferret should posess; such as the ability to talk, and pyrokinesis. But the strange encounters the FJs have had with Hobbes tell us little, while prompting a slew of as-yet-unanswered questions: How did a simple ferret become so intelligent? Whence or from whom did Hobbes receive his incredible powers? Just what is his interest in the FlopJocks anyway, and why has he been silently guiding them to play Magic: The Gathering? How come the FJs can't remember their meeting with Hobbes that lonely night on top of the apartment building? Only time will reveal the answers... Legal Stuff Magic: The Gathering and all related trademarks and products mentioned belong to Wizards of the Coast. Any other trademarks and products mentioned are the property of the companies that produce them. Any card art is copyrighted by the artists and Wizards of the Coast. The use of these trademarks, products, and cards should not be construed as a challenge to those rights. All other content is © Copyright 2002 Burnham/Dominguez/Wacker/Yarrow. Contact Us Art: Bryan Yarrow (aftershock@tenchiclub.com) Scripts: Cal Wacker (reverend16@excite.com) Cooking: Andrew "Mingy" Dominguez (andominguez@fordham.edu) Website: Ted Burnham (tburnham@abacus.bates.edu) Come chat in the FlopJocks IRC Channel at irc.netfrag.com #flopjocks